Stripes

A brief photo roundup of the past couple of months.


No, I am not dead.


If I haven't returned your calls, it doesn't mean I don't love you. I don't even return my mother's calls and trust me - I love her more than I love you. And I love you a lot.


Lately, I've been working on: building a computational model of the basal nuclei, mesencephalic locomotor region and spinal pattern generator (computational neuroscience fun), mastering the Rubik's Cube (puzzle fun) and - of course - securing financial aid for my final semester of graduate study (bureaucracy fun).


MS students, in a university environment, are sort of non-persons. PhD students have their funding taken care of as a matter of course - the number of spots in any given program is based on fellowship earmarks. I am left to my own devices to find funding. So it goes.

It's fine. There's a plan in place. But occasionally, when the award letters are slow in coming, or when random checks bounce during a bank rush (who knew?) Maslow's Hierarchy takes over.

My life becomes a slow stream of tending to basic necessities: food, stimulants, video games. Research becomes an afterthought. I can't deal with academic personnel until I become certain that I'm subjecting myself to their direction toward a tangible goal. Instead, I focus on the day-to-day necessities.

Will I be able to enroll this semester? Should I find a real job to pay my outstanding tuition? Will my transcripts be sent to the AMCAS in a timely manner? Should I get up already, it's past noon? Will I be able to level up if I capture the bandit seeress? These are the questions that needle me.

For all of these reasons, it's been kind of a shitty summer. The brightest spot was seeing Savannah, who is a joy and a wonder and an inspiration to me. Without going into detail - the turmoil that kid has endured with her sanity intact is a source of both shame and pride. I am sorry our family has behaved so poorly. I am proud of her that she is so smart and centered that she will be fine anyway. When I think of her, I feel like a big whiner sometimes, because she is almost half my age and has had it far worse than I, yet she never complains.

But what is the point of a weblog if not to vent one's spleen?

The other high point in the summer was my GPA. Which just goes to show how little I actually did.

Possibly the lowest point was when Rand went to Burning Man, and I chose to stay home. I'm not sure why. In theory, I didn't want to deal with the stress and the expense. But the reality was, for the entire time he was gone I chain smoked and drank too much and didn't get anything done and therefore might as well have gone anyway.

Here is a picture of me with funny hair, which I figure I should get out of my system before I am called upon to comfort patients at their bedside.

Possibly the best thing I got out of not going to The Burn was making new friends at The Brewery, with whom I promptly lost touch. Next time, I will remember to get business cards. Have I mentioned I'm a little lonely? I guess that's a post for another time.


In conclusion, I don't know where the summer went, I don't know where the fuck time is going, I'm scarcely getting my momentum back and dogknows where I'll be in a year. I would like to stay at USC, but the medical school application process is cutthroat, dreary and expensive - so anything can happen. I try not to get too attached to given outcomes.

Also, there exists a possibility I'll be taking up residence in an additional internet outlet soon, and I'll let you know how that develops.


I can do a side in ten seconds, bitches, and I've only been at it for four days.